HYDERABAD: A quick trip to the neighbourhood mall turned into a nightmare for Rini Samuel as it began raining. Her playful baby, who had till now been smiling and cooing, started showing signs of agitation. One after the other his pacifier, rattles and toys all failed to catch his attention. The rain began to lash louder, her baby also started crying. Rini knew this cry all too well – it was time to feed him and put him to sleep. It was also the dreadful moment which meant she would have to breastfeed the baby. But where in a mall packed with people could she do this? There was no nursing room.
Illustration: Amit Bandre“I went to washroom, wiped the slab near the washbasin area with tissues half sat on it, lay my baby on my awkward lap, whille my other foot was planted firmly on the ground. I spent next 15-20 minutes thus feeding and trying to ignore the stares from other women,” recalls Rini.
New mothers are a haunted lot. Not only do they get unsolicited advice from the numerous tayijis and chachijis on how and when to feed babies, what to eat what to steer clear of, sympathetic pats from the next-door bua if they are not lactating, to winning the tag of being a ‘nuisance’ should they reluctantly decide to latch on your little bundle of joy in a public place.
This is one of the reasons the 29-year-old says she always carries a baby bag with two-three feeding bottles, anywhere she goes. “Breastfeeding is a natural process. But the way your are ogled at if you do it in open spaces, makes you feel you have put yourself on display. I don’t feel comfortable nursing my baby except at home,” she says.
While Indians appreciate the idea of motherhood and deride women who can’t bear a child, call our country Bharat Mata, stalk the celebrities and their baby bumps, but when we see a mother with her chest open, feeding a baby we get uncomfortable.
N Kritika, a psychologist and a mother of a two-year-old, says such behaviour stems from the fact that breastfeeding in the open is still a taboo in our country. “Such taboos arise from the sexual associations attached to breasts. As if that’s the sole propose of the organ. Since anything pertaining to sex is a taboo in our society, breastfeeding too ends up being perceived as something indecent – an activity that should be indulged in only within the four walls of their homes.”
She also recalls the tough time she had at the Shamshabad airport (RGIA) while travelling to Kolkata last month as the airport does not have a seperate child care lounge or a nursing room. However, it has nappy-change rooms. “When this is the condition of an international airport, little wonder why there are no facilities at railway stations and bus depots,” she ruminates.
This is probably why a lot of urban women shy away from nursing their babies in public. Panic, anxiety, dread and stigma aren’t exactly the feeling a new mother with a hungry baby in her arms should be experiencing, right?
“Even though I am shy, not feeding your baby when she is hungry is not really a choice. So, I had to do it a few times at secluded corners of restaurants and malls with my husband and brothers shielding me. The only way mothers can become more confident is when we have more facilities. When there are smoking zones why can’t there be nursing rooms too?” she rues.
While few malls and even fewer offices in the city have nursing rooms, the problem runs much deeper. In a country where maternity leaves are applicable only for three months, weaning their babies of breast milk is the only option left for working mothers. For Ayesha Sameera, a techie, who had to join work after three months of maternity leave, expressing milk at workplace became a problem. “I requested my boss for a clean and hygienic room where I could express my milk and store it up for my baby. I was shown a small closet like space next to the janitor’s room. I realised this won’t work and then pushed for being allowed to work from home for the next few months. Thankfully, my boss agreed,” she recalls.
“Feeding in public should be a regular way of life; it is about the child being hungry and no social stigma should be attached. A lot of mothers are embarrassed about feeding outside home. Others nurse their babies in unhygienic bathrooms. Although some malls and public spaces have nursing rooms, India still needs to awaken to this issue,” says Dr Anitha Arockiasamy, president, India Home Health Care (IHHC), a home healthcare service provider.
With barely any support from government and employers, a few confident mothers are setting an example. Ankitha Akella, a media professional says, “I realised when I had my first child that I had only two choices – either carry bottles of formula milk or feed my baby when he cries regardless of place and surroundings. I chose latter. And honestly, I don’t feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.”
Shruti Sharma, an entrepreneur, is another mommy of this brigade who feels that nursing in public is difficult because urban women don’t see it happening around them. “To normalise breastfeeding, we have to do it in public. It is common in rural areas but in cities only labourers can be seen doing it. Society largely associates it with nudity without realising that if you can eat food in public without a veil over your face why should a baby be forced to eat in a restroom or from under her mother’s pallu?” With help from family and Facebook support groups Shruti learnt to discreetly feed her babies in public too. “I never cared for glares or remarks,” she adds.
As the world celebrates International Breastfeeding Week (August 1-7) with the message of importance of breastfeeding, this hushed up matter in our country has caught the attention of United Nations which calls it a ‘Celebration of motherhood: anywhere and anytime.’
If ‘Free the Nipples’ campaign caught attention of the world last year, this year we have the’ brelfie’ rage where mothers have posted selfies of their little mush’s milk-dunk smile, while being breastfed. What’s more is that it is now being endorsed by the World Health Organisation (WHO), too.
While posting a brelfie with #NormalizeBreastfeeding may or may not be your thing, urban mommies-shaming is for real. This not just makes new mothers anxious but also leaves lot of them tied to their homes and breast pumps, some quit jobs and others switch to formula.
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